LIFESTYLE • POST-GRAD
This is a satire piece. Any resemblance to your actual neighbors is between you and your group chat.
While many recent graduates struggle with rent, roommates, and mysterious stains in shared hallways, Highland Park native Logan Pierce has chosen a different path: moving back into his parents’ 7,000-square-foot “transitional” mansion and bravely insisting that it’s “really not as bad as my poor friends make it out to be.”
“Everyone talks about living at home like it’s this tragic failure,” Logan explained, standing in front of a Sub-Zero fridge the size of a studio apartment. “But honestly? I have space to, like, grow as a person. And also a pool.”
Critics (his friends who pay actual rent) have accused Logan of coasting, but he disagrees.
“I contribute,” he said. “My mom says my ‘presence is a blessing.’ That’s basically rent. Plus, I walk the dog sometimes when the dog walker is out of town.”
Logan currently occupies what he calls a “garden-level creative suite,” known to others as the fully finished basement with its own entrance, wet bar, and theatre room.
“My friends in New York are paying three thousand dollars a month to live in rooms smaller than my closet,” he said. “Who’s really winning?”
Logan describes his decision as “financially savvy” and “a mature choice in this economy.”
“Why would I throw away money on rent when I can live here and save up for important things, like a down payment or a ski trip?” he asked, clicking “add to cart” on a $380 athleisure set.
He also notes the practical advantages:
Logan bristles at the idea that he’s missing out on “real life.”
“My friends who live in apartments are always like, ‘You’ll never grow if you don’t suffer a little.’ I’m like, babe, the Wi-Fi is bad in the wine cellar sometimes. I know struggle.”
He also insists he’s “basically independent.”
“My parents are almost never home. They’re always at the lake house or some gala. It’s like living in an Airbnb that occasionally asks how your job search is going.”
When asked how long he plans to stay, Logan says he’s “just here until things settle down.”
“The job market is crazy right now, and I’m still figuring out what I’m passionate about,” he said. Current passions include pickleball, brand deals he has not yet secured, and “maybe real estate at some point.”
For now, Logan remains at peace with his situation.
“At the end of the day, home is where the heart is,” he said, “and also where the heated bathroom floors are. My friends can keep their character-building mold.”