BREAKING NEIGHBORHOOD NEWS
The town’s most ambitious celebrity-themed holiday is quietly rolled back after one HOA group chat goes off the rails.
This is satire. Angie Harmon has not been consulted and probably has better things to do.
Highland Park residents woke up to disappointment this week when “Angie Harmon Day”, a proposed celebration of the actress, mother, and vague local legend, was officially canceled before a single banner could be ordered from FedEx Office.
The idea began, as all great suburban legislation does, in a Facebook group. One resident suggested a “fun, harmless little holiday” in which the town would honor Angie Harmon with a proclamation, a step-and-repeat wall, and a limited-edition Sprinkles cupcake.
Within hours, the comments devolved into a debate about parking, police presence, and whether the town should “also acknowledge other Angies, just to be inclusive.”
In a carefully worded email sent at 4:59 PM on a Friday, the town announced that Angie Harmon Day was being “postponed indefinitely” due to “unforeseen scheduling issues” and “an overabundance of enthusiasm that must be re-evaluated in committee.”
Town leadership insists the cancellation is part of a new “celebrity neutrality” stance: if they honor one TV star, they must honor them all. City staff estimate this would require 400+ parades a year.
Several residents had already commissioned custom lawn signs reading “Honk for Angie.” These will now be repurposed for graduation season, homeowner anniversaries, or generic attention-seeking.
In the end, Angie Harmon Day accomplished what few municipal holidays ever can: it gave the neighborhood something to argue about that wasn’t zoning, recycling bins, or whose dog left “evidence” on Armstrong.