HP CONCERT SERIES

OPINION • GUEST COLUMN

REMOVE WOKE
PROGRAMS LIKE
RECYCLING

AUTHOR Concerned Taxpayer, Has A Boat
CIRCULATED VIA Nextdoor, Group Text, HOA PDF
WORD COUNT 2,000+ words, 0 citations
MAIN COMPLAINT “The bins are ugly.”

When a blue plastic bin becomes the front line of the culture war.

“Back in My Day, Trash Was Just Trash”

A recent petition titled “End Woke Sorting Practices in Our Neighborhood” calls for the immediate removal of curbside recycling, claiming it is “politically motivated” and “emotionally destabilizing to see cardboard on Tuesdays.”

The Arguments (Such As They Are)

The petition insists that:

  • Recycling “creates division” by forcing neighbors to reveal how much LaCroix they drink.
  • The color blue has “partisan associations” and should be replaced with beige.
  • Having to rinse out a yogurt cup is “government overreach.”

One resident suggested a compromise: keep recycling, but hide the bins behind tasteful shrubbery. This was rejected as “too European.”

The Real Issue: Aesthetics

While the petition references property values and “personal liberty,” private emails reveal the true concern: the bins clash with the stonework.

“I worked hard for this limestone,” wrote one anonymous signer, “and I won’t have it upstaged by a municipal container.”

Where Do We Go From Here?

Option A: Keep Recycling

Continue separating glass, paper, and plastic like reasonably functioning adults. Maybe even explain climate change to your children without blaming it on TikTok.

Option B: Decorative Bin Sleeves

A burgeoning Etsy market offers “bin cozies” that disguise your cart as a faux boxwood, cottage door, or mid-century modern credenza.

Option C: Admit It’s Not About Recycling

Radical concept: maybe the real discomfort isn’t sorting trash... it’s being reminded that our choices have consequences past the property line.