RANKINGS • REAL ESTATE
TOP 10
BORING
HOUSES
A loving roast of the homes that cost eight figures and still look like the loading screen of a banking app.
RANKINGS • REAL ESTATE
A loving roast of the homes that cost eight figures and still look like the loading screen of a banking app.
Every house in Highland Park is technically “nice.” But some push through “nice” and land squarely in “architecturally Ambien.” We crunched the numbers (drove around once with iced coffee) to determine the ten most gloriously boring homes in town.
A home so perfectly symmetrical it feels like a before-photo in an interior design ad. Zero risks taken. Zero thoughts, just columns.
Miles of taupe stucco, two identical SUVs, and a front door that appears to lead directly into a tax bracket.
Built in 2014 but determined to be 2004 forever. Faux-stone arches, wrought-iron everything, and a wine cellar that has only ever seen pinot grigio.
Our winner boasts three garages, zero personality, and a lawn so uniform it might be rendered. It is the physical embodiment of “we let the builder pick everything.”
A home so perfectly symmetrical it feels like a before-photo in an interior design ad. Zero risks taken. Zero thoughts, just columns.
Miles of taupe stucco, two identical SUVs, and a front door that appears to lead directly into a tax bracket.
Built in 2014 but determined to be 2004 forever. Faux-stone arches, wrought-iron everything, and a wine cellar that has only ever seen pinot grigio.
Our winner boasts three garages, zero personality, and a lawn so uniform it might be rendered. It is the physical embodiment of “we let the builder pick everything.”
Our winner boasts three garages, zero personality, and a lawn so uniform it might be rendered. It is the physical embodiment of “we let the builder pick everything.”
Our winner boasts three garages, zero personality, and a lawn so uniform it might be rendered. It is the physical embodiment of “we let the builder pick everything.”
The joke isn’t that these homes are bad; they’re not. The joke is that in a neighborhood this wealthy, even the wildest dreams somehow end up looking exactly the same.